When President Barack Obama signs the economic stimulus bill into law today in Denver, he starts a rush for billions of dollars in federal aid.

Much of the money will be handed out by pre-established formulas, so the basic dollar figures for some areas like highway and bridge funding are already known.

But a lot of money will be handed out by various executive agencies and departments, which then will focus a lot of attention on their handiwork.

"Guess what the first thing that's gonna happen after President Obama signs this bill?" asked Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) during the stimulus debate.

"Members of Congress and Senators are going to be on the phone saying 'I want this money spent here, and I want this money spent here, and I want this money spent here...and if you don't...your appropriations next year, you're going to suffer."

While there may be some veiled threats made like that, for the most part, Coburn is dead on with his first description.

There will be an avalanche of phone calls from the Legislative Branch, urging the bureaucrats to spend money on certain home state projects.

Let's look at one of the biggest pots of money.  There is $54 billion in money for school systems, to help them avoid layoffs.  The Secretary of Education gets to make that call.

On the other end of the spectrum, there is $100 million in the bill to "carry out a grant program for National School Lunch Program equipment assistance."

(As one GOP aide said to me about that odd provision, it means "there's probably one main supplier in some Democratic state.")

Someone gets that money, and others lose out, as the feds make the call.

So what kind of grants are out there?  In other words, just how much money can the feds dole out?  I will let your imagination flow when you think of how this process might work.

- There is $130 million in grants and direct loans for "rural community facilities"
- $150 million in grants and direct loans for rural business
- $1.3 billion in direct loans and grants for rural wastewater disposal facilities
- $2.5 billion in broadband loans and guarantees
- $100 million in a grant program for National School Lunch Program facilities
- $50 million in grants to aquaculture producers
- $200 million in competitive grants to expand public computer centers
- $250 million in grants to encourage "sustainable adoption of broadband service"
- $90 million partially in grants for education about the digital TV switch
- $180 million in construction grants for research science facilties
- $225 million in grants to combat violence against women
- $50 million in housing grants for victims of violence against women
- $2 billion in anti-crime Byrne grants
- $225 million in grants to improve the criminal justice system
- $225 million in anti-crime grants for Indian tribes
- $1 billion in grants to hire police officers
- $3.2 billion in Energy Efficiency block grants
- $2 billion in grants for the manufacture of advanced batteries
- $150 million in public transportation security grants
- $150 million in port security grants
- $210 million in firefighter assistance grants
- $6.4 billion in clean water grants
- $300 million in Diesel Emission Reduction grants
- $50 million in wood-to-energy biomass grants
- $50 million in NEA Arts grants
- $500 million in grants to the states for job training initiatives
- $1.2 billion in grants to the states for youth activities
- $1.5 billion in health resources grants
- $1 billion in grants to renovate federal health facilities
- $2 billion in child care grants for the states

Okay, I've made my point.  And that's only through page 173 of the bill.  My brain can't take any more.

But look back at all those grants.  Think of how people/groups/cities/counties/states will have to apply for those grants.

Who approves the grants?  Not the Congress, that's for sure.

So that means the federal bureaucracy makes the call.  Did you elect them?  Not really.

Who gets a piece of stimulus pie?  The squeaky wheel gets the grease, eh?