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Posted: 1:00 a.m. Thursday, May 1, 2003
Today's Nuze: Today's Nuze: May 01, 2003
By Neal Boortz
| Today's Nuze: May 01, 2003 | ||
I'm honored to have been invited by the Libertarian Party of Ohio to speak at their annual banquet in Dayton on May 10th! For information about the convention and how to be there for my stellar presentation visit http://www.lpo.org/LPO2003Convention.htm GOLF IN THE CARIBBEAN! We have managed to get AirTran seats and Our Lucaya hotel rooms for eight more foursomes in the AirTran Caribbean Classic Golf Tournament! This charity tournament is hosted by that Neal Boortz character and the proceeds will benefit Prevent Child Abuse Georgia. Click here for details--- put together your foursome and we'll see you in the Caribbean for golf in just three weeks! HOW ABOUT SOME COMPLETE NONSENSE What do you think about people who claim to give more than 100% to their job? Is that possible? Isn't 100% pretty much all you have? Actually, NO! It isn't. It is possible to give more than 100%, and the Talkmaster is here to show you how. First we have to come up with the mathematical formula. To do this you take every letter of the alphabet and assign it a sequential number. A=1, B=2, and so forth. Z will equal 26. Now ... let's do some addition. HARD WORK. Add up the values of the letters. Hard Work equals a 98% effort. KNOWLEDGE. Here we have a 96% effort. ATTITUDE = 100%. Yes, there's your proof. Attitude is everything. BULLSHIT. Uh oh. Now we're getting somewhere. Here you get 103% effort. and ... ASS KISSING. Yes, my friends. Kiss the right butts and you get 118% effort. So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, And, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top. Now ... on to important matters. OK ... SOMEBODY START KEEPING SCORE I'm going to need some help from the loyal listeners on this one. No matter how hard I try I just can't keep up with every word uttered by Democrat presidential candidate John Kerry. So, I'll ask you to listen to Kerry and keep score along with me. We'll compare notes later. The object here is to count the number of times Kerry reminds voters and the media that he served in Vietnam. We can measure this two different ways. One is to count the number of mentions, the other is to keep tract of the percentage of campaign appearances during which Kerry mentions his service. Thus far I believe that Kerry mentions his valiant service in Vietnam in at least 96.6% of his campaign appearances. NOW THE DEMOCRATS ARE FILIBUSTERING TWO APPOINTMENTS The Constitution clearly provides for a majority vote of the U.S. Senate to confirm presidential judicial appointments. The Democrats have decided that it is so important to keep conservatives off the bench that they've changed the rules. They demand a super-majority of 60%, not 50%, for confirmation. Meanwhile, the listless Senate Majority Leader let's them get away with it without doing anything to hold their feet to the fire. SOCIALIZED MEDICINE. JUST GET READY FOR IT Now that Richard Gephardt has come forth with his hideously expensive plan for wht he calls "universal health care," the other social-Democrats are scrambling to come out with their plans! Remember, my friends. Most Americans don't believe that they are responsible for their own health care. They believe that either their employer or the government should keep them healthy. This attitude is making socialized medicine in American a virtual certainty. It's just a question of when. In the meantime, if you know someone who is thinking of attending medical school, ask they why they want to be government employees. UH OH. LOOK FOR A UNION TEMPER TANTRUM! It looks like the Transportation Security Administration is going to hand out pink slips to about 6000 airport security screeners. It seems they hired too many. The TSA says that most of the cuts will come through attrition. Nonetheless ... these are government employees and there is no such thing as an unneeded government employee. Don't believe it? Ask any government employee union. We'll let you know when the screaming starts. SHE'S STILL AT IT. Over the past year's I've regaled you with commentary on the extraordinary treatment that Coretta Scott King gets - at taxpayer's expense - from the City of Atlanta. This e-mail arrived today from a listener:
I wish Mike had asked Coretta if she actually paid for a first class seat. I would also like to know if Coretta still gets preferential treatment at Hartsfield Security ... like being able to bypass it altogether. And does Shirley Franklin appoint a full-time police officer to Coretta the way Bill Campbell did? If she wants a valet, why can't she pay for one? READING ASSIGNMENTS Wednesday's Best of the Web. http://www.opinionjournal.com/best/?id=110003430 Is Bill Frist actually developing a set of gonads? He now says he's going to push for a bigger tax cut. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A63049-2003Apr30.html More from Fox News on the PC requirements for government school textbooks. http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly_story/0,3566,85594,00.html Why in the world would the Bush Administration want to keep a report on the September 11thterrorist attacks secret? Isn't it time to let all Americans know all there is to know? http://msnbc.com/news/907379.asp?0cv=CB10 Ann Coulter says that liberals have met with unexpected resistence. There's just too much good news out there now. http://www.anncoulter.org Across the country communities are getting together to honor their sons and daughters who fell in service to their country in Iraq. These fallen warriors remind us why whiny celebrities are irrelevant. http://www.opinionjournal.com/medialog/?id=110003435 In Texas, if 55% fo the students can get 55% of the questions on an easy test right .. that seems to be just fine. So typical of government education. http://www.townhall.com/columnists/marvinolasky/mo20030501.shtml More reading on education. Thomas Sowell writes of a "job fair" for kindergarteners ... and how minorities benefit from tough tests. http://www.townhall.com/columnists/thomassowell/ts20030501.shtml Walter Williams: "Imagine that you and I are in a rowboat. I commit the stupid act of shooting a hole in my end of the boat. Would it be intelligent for you to respond by shooting a hole in your end of the boat?" http://www.townhall.com/columnists/walterwilliams/ww20030501.shtml Can you believe this? They found some live worms in the debris from the Columbia? They were part of an experiment ... and they made it through the breakup on reentry! http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A62548-2003Apr30.html "Runners' thriving on car wrecks in DC. And just what is a "runner?" That's why we have reading assignments. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A63049-2003Apr30.html You've heard of CAIR, haven't you? It's the Council on American-Islamic Relations. CAIR is now denying that its chairman said that the Quran should be the highest legal authority in America. Read this ... judge for yourself. http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=32341 |
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