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Posted: 1:00 a.m. Friday, May 30, 2003
Today's Nuze: Today's Nuze: May 30, 2003
By Neal Boortz
| Today's Nuze: May 30, 2003 | ||
CLINTON REMINDER Just so the passage of time won't dull your awareness of the hideous nature of the person you called your president for eight years. As President Bill Clinton held a ceremony at which he signed into law legislation that allowed a woman who had been the victim of sexual harassment in the workplace. Then, again as President, Bill Clinton lied under oath - he committed perjury - in order to deny to a woman her day in court under that very law. Do you think there will ever be a naval vessel named after Bill Clinton? Who would want to serve on such a ship? THE POOR, POOR PITIFUL POOR Some of you remember the conversation I had with "Cheyenne" yesterday. She has two kids, not married, and makes about $14,000. She pays absolutely no income tax whatsoever and gets about $4,000 from the government --- that sickening Earned Income Tax Credit nonsense. What's more, she sees absolutely nothing wrong with her scenario ... after all, her parents pay taxes. I know you remember the conversation because I've received quite a few messages telling me what a heartless slob I am for challenging Cheyenne's claim to someone else's property. My guess is that for most of her life Cheyenne has been surrounded by a bunch of supportive friends telling her that none of this is her fault.. You have two kids you can't support? Well, that's not your fault ... blame their father(s). You don't make enough money? That greedy boss of yours is trying to just keep it all for himself. So - finally someone spells it out. This lady made choices, and those choices led to her being a single mother of two with marketable job skills ... . And now she feels entitled to someone else's money. I took a few minutes to scrip a little meeting from a Cheyenne-type citizen and her congressman. See what you think. (As the curtain rises we find Congressman Dewey Cheatem sitting behind his desk in his home district office. Ima Whiner, one of his constituents, has wormed her way into an appointment with Congressman Cheatem to voice some concerns.) Yes, Ms. Whiner, what can I do for you? I need some help. I just can't make ends meet any more. What kind of help? Money. I need some money. I just don't make enough money to support my family. Your family? Tell me about them. I have two kids. Seven and ten. What does your husband do? I'm not married. Divorced? No. I'm just not married. Does the kid's father help to support them? No, neither one of them do. Neither one of them? Yeah. They have different fathers. What do you do for a living? Nails. You do nails? Yeah, you know, nails. I do nails at Nail Fantasy at the mall. How much money do you make doing nails? Not enough. I make about $14,000 a year. How much education do you have? I like finished high school, you know, but college just wasn't for me. I wanted a new car, you know, and I needed to go to work to get the money for payments. Your oldest child is ten. How old are you? I'm 26. OK .. what do you want from me? Why did you come see me today? I need more money. I know there must be some sort of like government checks I can get. I keep hearing about people getting checks for all sorts of things. I want a check. With your income, you don't pay income taxes, do you? No, but I have payroll taxes ... and I should get some of that money back. Other people are getting checks. I want a check. Wait a minute --- I have something here that might help you. (Congressman Cheatem reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a .38 caliber revolver - he pushes it across the desk to Ima.) Do you know what this is? It's a gun. Can you use one? Yeah, my first baby's daddy showed me how. OK then. I want you to take this gun, go find someone who has been more responsible with their life than you have, and I want you to use this gun to rob them. That way you should be able to get the money you say you need. Rob them? I can't just walk up to someone and rob them! Are you crazy? Why can't you? Because that's, you know, illegal. It's, like, illegal! I could get caught and they could put me in jail! But you're here asking me for a check! What if there was some sort of a government check you could get, where do you think that money would come from? I don't know. The government? Sure, the government. But where does the government get its money? The taxpayers, I guess. Yeah, the taxpayers. So you want me to arrange for some money to be taken from these taxpayers and given to you, right? Well, other people are getting checks. Why can't I get one? Why don't you just take this gun and go get some! I can't! You mean you won't. You won't pick up this gun and go take someone else's money, but you feel perfectly comfortable coming into my office and asking me to, right? What do you mean? Well just how in the hell do you think we get the money you want us to give to you? Do you think these people just come wandering in here with buckets of their money just begging us to find some irresponsible losers to give it to? Come on, girl! We take it, just like I suggested you take it. We take it at the point of a gun! We point that gun at those poor saps and we say "hand it over, or we'll take every damn thing that you own." Well, everybody has to pay taxes! You don't! I know, but that's because, like, I don't make enough money! And whose fault is that? It's not my fault. I can't help it if I just haven't been as lucky as those other people. Yeah, you can't help it. You decided that you needed a new car and you couldn't afford one if you were going to college, then you decided to get pregnant as a teenager by two different deadbeats who got between your legs and then out of your life ... and it's all someone else's fault. Hey! I don't have to take that from you! OK ... calm down. (The Congressman puts the gun back in his desk drawer) You don't need to use this gun. You don't need to because we can. Who's "we?" We .. the government. We can do what you can't. Like I said, we can use this gun to take property from someone else ... and I'll see to it that some of that money gets to you. You'll get your check. Oh, thank you! But there's a catch here. You have to do something for me. Sure! Anything! No, no. Button your blouse up. That's not what I had in mind. I have plenty of interns around here that would cause me a lot less grief than you would. What you have to do is get out there and register to vote ... register to vote, and then remember just who it is that put that check in your pocket the next time an election rolls around. No problem! I'll do it, I promise! I NEED TO BE ON SOME SORT OF A DRUG No ... I didn't write this. I don't know who did, but it sends the message. Recently I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -- Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how this insidious disease manifests itself: I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trashcan under the table, and notice that the trashcan is full. So I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take m y checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of pop that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the pop aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.? I see that the pop is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the pop, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -- they need to be watered. I set the pop down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of pop sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e- mail. DEMOCRATS ARE UPSET ... ... about almost everything these days. But they're really torqued about a proposed merger of Univision, the nation's largest Hispanic television owner, with HBC, a Spanish language radio network. And just why are Democrats so angry .. and scared? Simple enough ... it's because the CEO of Univision is a registered Republican. Democrats, of course, are fighting the merger. There is simply too much danger here that Latinos might start getting something other than the leftist spin from this media conglomerate. WHY AM I UPSET THAT WE HAVEN'T FOUND THOSE NASTY WEAPONS YET? Yes - it does bother me that we haven't found Saddam's chemical and biological weapons, but not for the reasons you might suspect. Saddam was removed from power because he failed to provide the evidence that he had destroyed those weapons. The U.N. resolutions required this of him, and he failed to comply. Those same resolutions said that any member nation could use force to compel him to comply .. and that's exactly what some member nations did. My reason for concern is our intelligence capabilities. If we were so sure he had those weapons, why haven't they been found? Certainly our intelligence agencies were telling Bush that Saddam definitely had them ... so, where are they? If they're not to be found, what does this say about our intelligence capabilities? In this age of Arab Islamic terrorism directed against the people of the United States we can ill afford intelligence lapses like this. SOME PARTICULARLY GOOD HATE MAIL This message came from someone named Ecole. Enjoy! Neil, I am not a liberal, or Democrat, or Tree hugger, or wimp, or girly, or any of the other juvenile names you radio hosts use for people who don't agree with you. I hate your voice, you sound like you have food in your mouth all the time. Do you eat while on air. Your words are garbled and you have that awful awful accent. I never understood how you ever got on radio or TV with that horrible horrible VICIOUS AND DUMB voice. You should praise God evey day, because only in America could a mean ,hateful, uninformed, and silly person like you have a job. DO YOU EVER SMILE. I guess you can detect my displeasure with you. I know you don't care, but, Sir, you must be a very unhappy individual to never smile and act like a human being You are a monster , spreading hatred on the airways. Wow! If I were mentally stable this message would have probably upset me greatly! AM ADD/ADHD JOKE Question: How many ADD children does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: Hey, let's go ride bikes! Gotta love it! READING ASSIGNMENTS OK .. do you want to see the most incredible automobile ad ever filmed? Here's your link. Now, remember. There was no computer generation. Everything in this ad happens just as you see it happening. Look at the ad then read some of the material to see just how they filmed it .. on a one million dollar budget ... and how many takes it took. You won't see it in this country ... it was for the European market. http://home.attbi.com/~bernhard36/honda-ad.html Thursday's Best of the Web. http://www.opinionjournal.com/best/?id=110003556 Teacher's unions in Tennessee stick it to home schooled children. That ought to teach them. http://www.tennessean.com/government/archives/03/05/33338022.shtml?Element_ID=33338022 The Hildabeast is having somewhat of a problem. It's clear that conservative-types don't like her, even a little bit. Now it seems that leftists aren't all that thrilled with The Smartest Woman in the World either. http://www.nytimes.com/2003/05/30/nyregion/30CLIN.html?ex=1054872000&en=278f49fb641f6091&ei=5062&partner=GOOGLE So ... just how are things going in Iraq? Are the Iraqis starting to get a hang of this freedom thing? http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110003562 Democrats are reading the polls .. and the polls say that they aren't tough enough on terrorism. http://www.washtimes.com/national/20030530-124908-6112r.htm Dick Morris seems rather impressed with Bush's grasp of the politics of a tax cut. http://www.nypost.com/postopinion/opedcolumnists/76936.htm If those high school Einsteins can't pass the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test ... what to do? Create more loopholes, that's what! http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/broward/sfl-cfcat29may29,0,1635190.story?coll=sfla-news-broward The Democratic National Committee has decided not to fire 10 minority employees after all. It's was all a "mistake." Yeah ... we all buy that, don't we? So now the DNC will carry these 10 minority employees on the payroll ... even though they don't particularly want them working there. The workers were saved not by their individual value to their employer, but by their group identity. http://www.washtimes.com/national/20030530-124849-1736r.htm |
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