RISING FOOD PRICES

Have you noticed that food prices are rising around the world? Hmmm. Wonder if this happens to have anything to with the ethanol nonsense. So much arable land is being used to grow corn for ethanol .. with huge government subsidies .. that land for growing other crops is dwindling? Let's see. Could the law of supply and demand be at work here? Remember, though. We have to fight global warming - even if people starve. As Ted told us, we have too many people anyway.

ANOTHER "MISTAKE" BY HILLARY?

Notice that I'm not calling this a lie. A lie is a statement that you know to be untrue at the time you say it. Hillary didn't know.

If you've been listening to Hillary's stump speech you've heard the story about the woman who died because she didn't have $100 for a hospital? The story went something like this: An uninsured pregnant woman (who could imagine such a thing?) goes to a hospital in Ohio. The hospital denied her medical care because she couldn't come up with $100. Now --- Hillary never asked the question about what in the hell a woman who couldn't put her hand on one hundred bucks was doing pregnant. The answer, of course, is that she was getting ready to download a baby that the rest of us were going to have to pay for. Anyway ... Hillary then tells how the woman lost her baby and then dies two weeks later.

There's a problem here. It never happened. The hospital officials are now correcting the record by telling the media that the woman was, in fact, getting medical care. She was under the care of an obstetrics practice. She also had insurance .. and the hospital never denied her care. It was all untrue. The Clinton campaign says that they never really checked the story to see if it was true. I'm sure they didn't. Just too good a story ... much too good to loose it to the truth.

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO SURRENDER YOUR GUNS

In Washington DC, the Police Chief has figured out a way to seize all of those illegal guns from private homes ... make an appointment. That's right. The police want to search your house, so they are going to rely on citizens to voluntarily sign up for times for police to come on over. Police will distribute literature to homes in high-crime neighborhoods which will ask the owners to sign forms and set up the appointments. Just so you know, amnesty will be granted for any gun possession charges, but not for those which has committed crimes with that gun.

Wait a minute ... don't we have a case before the Supreme Court on this issue?

ANOTHER GOVERNMENT STIMULUS?

Nancy Pelosi has decided that the government must come to the rescue ... yet again. She wants a second stimulus bill, after hearing that that 80,000 jobs were lost last month. She hasn't decided what the second package will be, but you can be assured that it will involve using the police power of government to seize property from those who have earned it and then handing that property to those who have done nothing to deserve it - except sit on their asses and wait for the government to cover for their laziness In the past, Nancy has indicated that she wants to increase unemployment insurance and food stamp payments, and she wants to put together public works spending packages. Yeah ... let's get those non-achievers out in the national forests raking leaves.

CONDO HOMEOWNER ASSOCIATIONS

Carol and Sabatino Ranucci are unfortunately experiencing the old saying "No good deed goes unpunished." The Ranuccis are snowbirds from Rhode Island who spend half the year living in a condo in Boca Raton, Florida. They have owned a unit in the Boca Verde condos for over 20 years. In the same building lived a man by the name of Paul Ryan. Ryan, is a 60-year-old Army veteran. When times got hard for Ryan two years ago, the Ranuccis recognized that he had no family to turn to and they offered to help. They paid for his bills, they took him to the doctor, they picked up his medicine and they helped him get his disability benefits. In other words, the Ranuccis did a good thing by helping someone, with no strings attached. In their efforts, they also bought Ryan's condo, which was imminently facing foreclosure, and they let him stay there at no charge.

Now the Boca Verde condo wants Ryan out. Here are the particulars. The Ranuccis transferred the condo to a trust they created, then they gave Ryan a life lease so he could stay in the condo for free until he goes tango uniform. The life lease also meant that Ryan wouldn't be subject to a rule created by the condo association that sets a one-year maximum for renting. But even though the life estate and the Palm Beach County property records recognize the condo in Ryan's name, the board decided that he still isn't the unit's true owner and therefore he can't stay. The board wants to consider Ryan a renter, and by the rules of the association, they can kick him out after one year. So now the association has filed a suit against the Ranuccis and Ryan for the "immediate removal" of Ryan from the complex.

As I've said before; once a year we ought to chose one condominium association and one neighborhood homeowner's association at random ... and execute them on a Saturday night pay-per-view extravaganza. I think we have a candidate.

INTERNET SAFETY LESSONS

The state of Virginia has decided to take matters into its own hands to protect your precious little angels from child predators. So in Virginia, government school children will now be forced by the government to take Internet safety education classes. The courses will be partially funded by the federal government to provide government schools with no-cost Internet safety lessons for students that are 11 to 16-years-old. That's right. Unlike states like Texas and Illinois who have passed similar laws, the Virginia law makes these classes mandatory.

The Virginia Department of Education's office of educational technology says that these courses will be integrated into existing coursework. She also wants to help schools educate parents about the dangers of the Internet, including encouraging families to use filtering software on their computers and put all computers in public areas of the house so that parents can monitor Internet activity.

Next stop? How about requiring a license to surf the Web?

BORDER PROTECTION ... FOR SAN FRANCISCO?

The city of San Francisco has some explaining to do after receiving a $3.7 million federal grant in 2006 to help fight border crime. This was the largest grant awarded to any county in the four states that border Mexico. Now for those of you who are government educated and haven't figure this out yet ... San Francisco is nowhere near the Mexican border. In fact, it is 500 miles from the border. Yet this grant is designed to help local governments pay to prosecute cases that they were forced to handle because of federal efforts to combat crime in states bordering Mexico.

The recent audit challenges some of the $5.4 million that was awarded to San Francisco from 2004 to 2006 under the Southwest Border Prosecution Initiative. City officials apparently got the funds by making an "estimate" of the number of cases it handled on behalf of the federal government. The audit also found that the required referrals from federal authorities were nowhere to be found ... therefore the auditors concluded that all of the money taken by San Francisco was not justified. Federal officials are saying that they will ask San Francisco to repay the money, but they have yet to determine how to go about it.

Just cut the level of government aid to San Francisco? Hold back some checks. Easy enough.

IMMIGRANT DRIVER'S LICENSES

The complaint was filed on behalf of Fardha Yabba Dabba Sharifi and her husband, Alireza Mohammed Muhammed "Big Mo" Muckety Muck Sanghinmanesh. The couple eventually went to Kansas to pass the driving exam because the Kansas test uses graphic symbols, rather than language, which allowed them to pass. They returned to Oklahoma and exchanged the Kansas licenses for Oklahoma licenses and are now legally licensed to drive in the state.

A HELPFUL HINT FOR MY DEAR LISTENERS

Do you have one of those invisible fences? Well .. if you forget to put the collar on your dog during the training period - and if your dog leaves the yard and goes wandering down the street - it might not be a good idea to put the collar in your sweat suit pocket and wander off in search of your dog.

READING ASSIGNMENTS

Well .. looks like Hillary has finally had her fill of Mark Penn. He's history.

Remember the story about that pilot who accidentally discharged his firearm in the cockpit of a commercial airliner? Is the TSA - a wonderful government bureaucracy - partly to blame for this incident? Check this video out.

Robert Mugabe is demanding a recount in Zimbabwe. I wonder why Jimmy Carter isn't rushing over there to help old Robert out! Mugabe is Jimmy's kinda guy.

Democrats want some more economic stimulus. Hey, we're in the middle of an election. You don't pass up any opportunities to buy votes.

I've been saying this for a while folks ... global warming is all about the money. Environmental groups and developing countries are accusing the World Bank of trying to get control of billion of dollars of global warming aid.

The Indianapolis International Airport will officially have foot baths to accommodate prayer requirements for its Muslim taxi drivers by this fall. Great. What will the next concession be?

Your pal - that would be me - makes a point in just 200 words on Townhall.com.

After ATA Airlines went belly up, the Hawaii Tourism Authority has decided to pay $5 million to charter stranded passengers back home.

Here's a government school outrage. How much does the government in DC spend on education? Try $25,000 per student. What do they get for it? New inductees for the American Dumb Mass Army.

How much of your Colorado tax dollars were wasted when six police cruisers responded to can emergency call at a day care where a teacher and a parents were fighting over a child's favorite blanket.

The UK government wants to use its power to limit the free market, setting a minimum price on alcohol to prevent people from binge drinking.

When the EPA thinks that gravel may cause cancer ... close down the local baseball field so the little angels will be protected.

A suspected Muslim terrorist in Canada is considering legal action because someone called him a terrorist on the Internet. Nothing quite pisses these Muslim terrorists off like calling them Muslim terrorists.

It looks like "day laborers" - you know, the people who gather every morning in your local Home Depot parking lot, are creating a union called the National Day Laborer Organizing Network.

Soccer moms are preparing for the breakdown of society in these tough times.

Hundreds of thousands of government employees may be getting off without having to pay tolls or pay fines for running through red lights because they are obtaining special license plates.

After being attacked, a court order of protection has been issued for the victim of the attack ... a duck.

A health expert in New Zealand is calling for a tax on butter because it is "pure, natural poison" and is just as bad as cigarettes.

England's Melton Mowbray Pork Pie has now been declared by the EU to be an official delicacy that requires protection.

England and Wales have made it official ... you can no longer sell, make or import samurai swords.

Ever wonder what all those hand signals that the stock market traders use? Here's a little insight.

Annette Kesting: "I love my enemies. I pray every day with my enemies because I have to go up on the third floor and work with white women." I wonder how many votes she's going to need from white women to win reelection to the Cobb County Board of Commissioners?

Walk one of the most dangerous paths in the world from your armchair. Warning: not for those afraid of heights.

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