Look, I’ve made it clear in the past that my job sitting here behind this hot microphone is very simple.  I need to say things and play callers in a way that entertains people and keeps them tuned in long enough for us to play some commercials for them .. and to leave them wanting more so that they will stick around while the commercials are playing to see what I’m going to come up with left.  THAT, dear listeners, is the job description of a talk show host.  So far as I know I’m pretty much the only talk show host who will tell you that. 

I’m probably the only host that will tell you this as well.  Ratings are down for talk radio right now. Now – in the middle of an election year – in the middle of an election year that is most certainly the most important of our lives, and which may be critical to the very survival of our Republic – ratings for talk radio are down.  Notice, please, that I didn’t say the listeners are going away.  They’re not.  They’re just not listening as long.  You see, there’s this interesting little twist about radio ratings.  It’s not all about how many listeners you have --- it’s also how long they stay tuned, and the data shows the listeners are still there, they’re just not listening as long.

So … I needed to think about this for a bit.  I’ve been doing this for 42 years; and you would expect that in that time I’ve learned how to grab those listeners and keep them tuned in.  OK … here’s what I’ve come up with.  See if this makes sense to you.

Drawing on my own experience – I am completely sick to death of Barack Obama.  I’m sick of his arrogance, his narcissism, and his disdain for our Constitution.  I’m sick of him spreading the blame for his failures on Europe, Greece, ATMs, headwinds, tsunamis, hot weather, fever blisters, cold weather, crop failures, La Nina, El Nino, and, of course, George Bush.   I’m so tired of Obama that when I see him come on the TV I either hit the “mute” or the “off” switch. 

Frist clue.  It’s my freaking JOB to keep up with Barack Obama.  It’s an election year!  I’m supposed to be paying attention, and if I’m having trouble doing that – if the very sight of him or the sound of his voice disgusts me – then how must it be for people who don’t feel they have to keep an eye on him constantly. 

I talked to the Queen about this.  She’s actively involved in this campaign … she’s working for Romney … and she’s telling me that the campaign us just too damned long.  People are tired of it.  It seems like it’s been going on forever.  She certainly has a point, and I think I understand why we’ve been in campaign mode for so long.  This would be  because even Obama recognizes that he’s better at campaigning for president than he is actually being president … so he went into campaign mode a year or more ago.  That’s where he’s comfortable – there and  tucked away on Air Force One on the way to another vacation.

Then I think about the pollsters and pundits telling us that people just aren’t engaged in the election right now .. at least not nearly as much as they will be after the Democrat and Republican conventions.

Hmmmm .. .the pieces are fitting in the puzzle just fine.  Not only am I sick to death of Barack Obama, so are the listeners.  So they’ll tune in to see what I have to say at any given hour on any given day … and if I’m on a rant about Obama, they’ll listen for a bit and then head off to greener pastures.  After all; when is the last time I told you something about Obama that you didn’t already know?  He says the rich should pay their fair share?  Yesterday I spent an entire half-hour going over the who-pays-what tax statistics.  Did you learn anything new?  Probably not. 

OK … so here’s the deal.  I’m going to have to work harder.  As I’ve said, I’ve been doing this stuff for 42 years, and for about 38 of those years Obama was not really in the picture.  I managed to survive without that menace.  So now I need to wean myself from dependence on the absurdity that is Barack Obama.  This means that I’m going to work extra-hard to come up with stories and topics that don’t involve this man --- stories and topics that the listeners, callers and I can bat around like balls of yarn in the radio living room.  We have to have more fun.  Simple as that.

No .. I’m not going to ignore this guy and the threat posed by his reelection.  No … I’m not going to suddenly become a sensitive new-age kind of guy.  We’ll have at least one segment a day that I will use to bring you up to speed ---but unless there is truly some news, the Supreme Court decision on ObamaCare comes to mind, or Romney announcing his vice-presidential choice – I’m going to try very hard to mix this thing up more.  If I’m turning off the television every time I see his face, then why would you not turn off the radio every time I utter his name? 

So … let’s see if I have the skill to pull this off.

We can start with THIS absurdity: