And as we get into this, let’s remember that if frogs had wings they wouldn’t bump their ass every time they jumped.  Got it?  OK …..

We learned yesterday from Jamie Dupree that there is no Constitutional requirement for the Speaker of the House to actually be a member!  In other words, the Republicans could make Jessica Simpson the Speaker today if they wished to .. and frankly she would probably do a better job than the weak-kneed man we have in there right now, and attendance at her press conferences would certainly go up. 

But Jessica is pregnant and doesn’t want the job … so yesterday I announced on the air that I would gladly come out of retirement right now to take the job of Speaker if it is offered.  Oh yeah!  I would like to be the guy determining committee assignments and chairmanships and setting the agenda for legislation to be considered by the House. 

The way things stand now the next Speaker is only going to serve two years.  That would be because when the next Congress convenes in 2015 the Speaker of the House is going to be (gaaackkkk) Nancy Pelosi.  The entitlement electorate is expanding and Democrats are poised to take even more power.

OK … so let’s imagine that I had been the speaker for the last week while this absurdity over the so-called fiscal cliff was playing out.  If it had been in my power to prevent it, there would have been NO tax increase.  Instead, I would have released the following statement:

Ladies and gentlemen.  We are NOT going to raise taxes.  We have a spending problem.  We do not have a tax problem.  That’s going to change.

No doubt the liberal media is going to savage me and the Republican Party on this.  I ask you, though, to consider a few as the media outrage begins over our refusal to cave into the President’s absurd demands for tax increases:

Did these same reporters and pundits tell you that the United States already has the most progressive tax system in the industrialized world?  No?  I didn’t think so.

Did these same reporters and columnists tell you that the President has increased our national debt in just four years by an amount that adds up to more than the total debt incurred by all of our Presidents from George Washington through the first five months of the presidency of George W. Bush?  No?  Imagine that!

Did these same liberal media giants tell you that under Obama’s budget proposals our spending will increase by another 55% over the next ten years?  And that under his proposals our national debt, which was just $10 trillion when he took office, will be nearly $26 trillion when he leaves?   No?  You haven’t read that?  Shocker!

When did the liberal media explain to you that the top 1% of income earners in this country earn about 17% of all income, but they’re paying over 35% of all income taxes?  Oh … you haven’t seen that reported in the New York Times or the Washington Post?  You haven’t seen that on the nightly newscasts of any of the broadcast networks?  Another shocker!  I guess that means that you haven’t heard that nearly one-half of all income earners in this country don’t pay any income taxes at all, right?

And one more thing.  Did your media favorites tell you that the tax increase proposed by the president would run our government for just six days?  Six days!  That’s it! 

This has to stop, and it’s going to stop right now, right here.  We are not going to pass a bill that cuts spending by $1 for every $41 dollars in tax increases.  The taxes are high enough.  The spending is too high. 

I mean no disrespect for the office of the presidency, but this needs to be said.  President Obama has a psychotic obsession for raising taxes on the rich.  He’s not trying to raise these taxes to pay down our debt.  Instead, he wants these taxes raised because of a deeply felt animosity, bordering on hatred, for those who have become wealthy living and participating in the American Dream.  He was taught from childhood through his college years that these rich people became wealthy by oppressing, cheating and taking advantage of others, and he has adopted the mission of righting these perceived wrongs.

All you have to do to understand this – that the president is seeking revenge rather than sound economic policy -- is to listen to his own words over the years:

• He told Joe the Plumber that we needed to raise taxes in order to spread the wealth around.
• The president told NBC’s Charlie Gibson that we needed to raise capital gains taxes, even though it would result in lower tax revenues to our government, out of a ‘sense of fairness.”
• He told high-income Americans that there was a point at which they should admit that they’ve made enough money.
• He has told American businesses that there is a right time and a wrong time to make profits --- and now is the wrong time.
• He refused an offer from the Republican Party to raise the revenues he said he wanted through the elimination of certain tax deductions on higher-income Americans.  He said that he would only accept increases in the tax rates on the rich.  This clearly showed that it wasn’t tax revenue he was after, but revenge on the wealthy. 

In these statements, and so many others, the President has shown little regard for actual tax revenues.  Instead his focus has been solely on seizing the wealth of high-income Americans in the pursuit of some idea of fairness. 

Again:  It stops here.  It stops now.

From this point on the Republican Party is going to dedicate itself to bringing federal spending under control, and this we are going to do without sacrificing the safety net that protects our fellow citizens from the consequences of economic, natural or health disasters.

We’re going to be savaged by the Democrats and by their fellow travelers in the media for this.  But in the process we are going to do everything we can to communicate the truth to you.  Our goal is not to jeopardize the health,  safety and welfare of our fellow citizens.  Our goal will be to restore economic liberty and a climate of governance that will allow people to make the most of their talents and their willingness to pursue their dreams through good decisions and hard work.  Our American future --- YOUR future ---- will not be jeopardized if we don’t spend millions of dollars on puppet shows, turtle tunnels, bridges to nowhere, studies of Alaskan grandparents, Amtrak subsidies, failed but politically favored green energy companies, food stamps for people with 60-inch flat screen televisions and expensive gaming systems, and on the publication of one-word poems in poetry journals. 

The first baby born in our country this year drew his or her first breath already owing over $51,000 as their share of our national debt.  Our children need to look forward to opportunity and economic liberty, not a lifetime of working to pay off the debt incurred by irresponsible politicians spending money they don’t have in a quest for political power.

We can’t kick this spending can down the road any more.  At some point the adults in the room were going to have to say ‘enough!’  We’ve reached that point.  The children will whine as their toys are cleaned up and put away, but recess is over and class is back in session.  It’s time to learn what made our country great, and to repeat that history.  In the process we will learn that American greatness and your prosperity did not come from a paternalistic government ready to provide cradle-to-grave security.  Instead, that greatness came from a system of government that protected individual rights and turned the American people loose to pursue their dreams with only such government interference and regulation that was found to be absolutely necessary.

If you’re displeased with our resolve and the efforts we will undertake over the next two years, you will have the opportunity to express your displeasure in November of 2014.  We have no doubt that the media will urge you to do so.  But in the meantime, we ask for your attention to the truth.  The spending madness has to stop … and now is the time.  We’re standing fast.  There will be no tax increases.  We’ve punished the high-achievers enough.  Now we’re going to turn them lose to do what they do best – create prosperity.  The last time we balanced the budget we did it through economic growth.  It makes sense to us that if you want our economy to grow, you turn the people capable of growing our economy loose to do what they do. 

We’re not going to follow a president focused on revenge.  We are not going to get out of the way of a Democrat party dedicated to expanding government dependency.  We’re going to lead.  We’ll need your help.  Let’s get to work.   

OK … there you go.  My statement as Speaker of the House.  Now you know why I’ll never be Speaker of the House.